Chocolat mi-amer
The children are asleep and I should be learning Dreamweaver and Flash so I can teach how they can be used in museums. Instead, I am eating chocolate reading my favorite blogs.
During the holidays, I cleaned a drawer full of letters from old friends. Friends saying nice things to me, making me laugh with their words when I was away or when they were away. I had completely forgotten about those letters, almost forgotten about the people themselves, about the friendships. And I thought that I would like to learn how to be more kind to people and more grateful to people who once were nice to me, or who are nice to me so that I can be with them. I forget the kindness of other people. Too busy worrying that they might think I am an idiot? suggested my therapist. I suggest maybe she is right and maybe she knows me well now, with her long gray braid of hair and her soft voice.
I am discovering that there are so many gentle and kind people. My new colleagues, for example, are so nice to me I am almost afraid of them. And I am discovering bloggers who are intelligent and sensitive and artists who are so talented. I am also afraid of them. I feel like I am the looser trying to be part of the gang like when I was 13 in highschool. Or 42 during Mother's Day party in preschool.
There are people who are nice. I want to be nice to them. That is my resolution for 2007. (Said retarded person...) And also that I want to laugh more. But this post is not such a good beginning regarding that.
During the holidays, I cleaned a drawer full of letters from old friends. Friends saying nice things to me, making me laugh with their words when I was away or when they were away. I had completely forgotten about those letters, almost forgotten about the people themselves, about the friendships. And I thought that I would like to learn how to be more kind to people and more grateful to people who once were nice to me, or who are nice to me so that I can be with them. I forget the kindness of other people. Too busy worrying that they might think I am an idiot? suggested my therapist. I suggest maybe she is right and maybe she knows me well now, with her long gray braid of hair and her soft voice.
I am discovering that there are so many gentle and kind people. My new colleagues, for example, are so nice to me I am almost afraid of them. And I am discovering bloggers who are intelligent and sensitive and artists who are so talented. I am also afraid of them. I feel like I am the looser trying to be part of the gang like when I was 13 in highschool. Or 42 during Mother's Day party in preschool.
There are people who are nice. I want to be nice to them. That is my resolution for 2007. (Said retarded person...) And also that I want to laugh more. But this post is not such a good beginning regarding that.
posted by MaOdiLeo @ 1/12/2007 10:32:00 p.m.
2 Comments:
You sound so interesting and gentle and lovely.
You are immediately part of my gang if you so choose.
Just break off a piece of chocolate for me.
Hey, I would have sat next to you during lunch in highschool. I ate by myself in the library almost every day. We sensitive types gotta stick together.
Every few years I make an attempt to reconnect with people from my past. It seems harder and harder to make new friends as I get older (though with my son in Kindergarten now I at least have some other adults to talk to). If the attempt doesn't stick, part of me always assumes it's because I'm too boring. But because I am so critical of myself, the other part of me is sure I am wrong.
It's a real party in my head!
I guess all I'm saying is I think I know what you mean. :-)
Here's wishing us levity in 2007!
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